Fuck Texas! and here's why (unfinished)

It’s either them or us. This conflict has been boiling to a head for 163 years, and now is the time to settle it. No more procrastinating. It is our duty as Americans to get rid of those cow-herding, over-sized belt-buckle wearing, ten gallon hat dawning, bull-riding, tobacco-spitting, right-to-bear arms defending, progress impeding, “there’s nothing wrong with execution” believing, uber-traditonalists. Yes, that is right, Texas.
Now, the rational, but not necessarily enlightened, person may be wondering, “Why do we need to get rid of Texas?” Well, if the reasons listed above are not sufficient reasoning for the eradication of those varmints, to borrow a word from the great orator Yosemite Sam, then perhaps the thought of ol’ George ‘Dubya’ Bush will sway opinions. That is right, the 43rd President of the United States, who may or may not have orchestrated a not-so-well executed robbery of the Brinks truck that the 2000 election was being shipped on. Yes, the man who when given all the correct Intel, still managed to start a war with the wrong country. The former governor of . . . that’s correct, Texas.
Still not convinced that Texas needs to be erased from the Atlas? Well how about considering the other two presidents that the “great state” of Texas has produced: Lyndon B. Johnson and Dwight D. Eisenhower. Although it is a conspiracy theory, the 1991 film JFK “identif[ied] Johnson as the one who stood to gain the most from Kennedy’s death” (Walker 2). Albeit speculation, the involvement of the current Vice President of the time in a conspiracy to kill the nation’s beloved adulterer president, is enough to say he fell out of the shady tree and smacked every branch. Who is to say that LBJ wasn’t standing on the grassy knoll doing his best Dick Cheney impersonation; to be chronologically correct though, Cheney may have been doing his best LBJ on that infamous quail hunt.
As for Eisenhower, this man never took a firm stand on anything. He was as indecisive a policymaker as the media is about whether or not eggs are good for our cholesterol. The one truly admirable thing he did do was done half-heartedly. In 1957, when the governor of Arkansas was trying to block integration, Eisenhower “federalized the Arkansas National Guard and sent U.S army paratroopers into Little Rock to prevent violence,” but not necessarily to enforce the integration. That’s the equivalent of the forefathers drafting the Declaration of Independence, and at the end writing, “We would really like it if you wouldn’t be so tough on us all the time.”
As a capper, LBJ is believed to have “Dick Cheneyed” Marilyn Monroe’s presidential lover in Texas— Dallas nonetheless. Texas needs to be blown off the map simply to prevent it from producing anymore presidents, and also so it can no longer swallow the other states good presidents out of jealousy.

The Little Richard Theory

I was at the beach yesterday, and amongst other things i inadvertantly encountered a gay guy. Now, I have no problem with gay or lesbian people, thats not what this is about; no, but i was almost held hostage while i was tanning by this guys insistence that he had to take a shit. Let me make this clear, this was an unmistakably gay guy talking about something a guy would talk about with his guy friends. Except, he was telling this to the 3 girls that came with he and this other guy. As i sit there and listen to this barrage language involving shit, deadlines, and a ridiculous over the top gay accent, the preverbial lightbulb flickered on in my head. I noticed that this particular homosexual was, well, he was a fat fucker to be blunt, and by he accent he was a flaming poo-pusher, so could it be that a gay man's level of gayness is directly proportional to his weight? Is it possible that a 1,000 pound man would be the gayest man to ever live? I immediatly dubbed this the Dom Deluise Theory, but since he was neither gay or gayer than Lil Richard this was quickly becoming a wholly theory. Then it hit me, the Little Richard Postulate. Everyone agrees that Little Richard is the Alpha as far as gay people are concerned, so he is the zero on the scale, but how is the scale determined? Well its simple, a gay guys gayness is directly determined by his level of disdain for sports/physical competition, exercise level, and love for Streisand. The higher the disdain for sports the gayer, the lower the exercise level the gayer, and the more they love streisand well, the worst their taste in women lmao. So all those gay dudes in hollywood at the gym all the time are only moderately gay, so them dudes need to step the poo-pushing game up, and transvestites are still fucking assholes (probably a bad choice of words). So just to have a sort of working scale here, the more out of shape the gay guy, almost invariably the gayer his accent. Why is that? I mean, they're already scoring a Liberace on the Gayness scale so why go over the top. I don't have an explanation for this quite yet but it may have something to do with over-compensation, kinda like middle-aged white guys with small dicks and super expensive cars. Well anyway, thats my theory, postulate whatever you wanna call it, if you take offense to this, or just have a suggestion remember to send it to someone who gives a fuck.

BET- bet we dont fuck up your favorite show

B.E.T. is the worst network ever! i can't stand it, its ridiculously stupid. at this point i can't watch it for more than 3 minutes or i start to feel like i'm losing I.Q. points. just look at the programming on your guide and you'll see a line-up that goes something like: American Gangsters, Baldwin Hills, College Hill, 106th and Park, and the Keiysha Cole show. How can you consciously put on a show that glorifies gang activity. the execuniggas (word i made up for BET executives) know that ignorant niggas love anything that has to do with gangster, which explains the rampant popularity of scarface, but instead of trying to tame such an unrequiste infatuation they go for the money like the whores they are. Not even trying to show the downside of such a lifestyle, American Gangster is the equivolent of placing a 2 year old on the doorstep of a drug dealer and watching as he adopts the lifestyle he sees. Baldwin Hills and College Hill are simply rip-offs of sorry ass MTV shows with black people in them. Not only not original, but far from entertaining. The original shows were mildly entertaining at bestand watching the execuniggas trying to duplicate a show with such a low ceiling is kinda sad, I'm almost sympathetic. If it weren't for the fact that I have a functioning brain I may be moved to write a letter to BET expressing such opinions and offering possible solutions, but then I realized that there are far too many niggas watching the drek that these black pioneers choose to show everyday for my opinion to ever be read by anyone other than the mail courier that is far too fuckin nosy. As it stands I'm not going to call for a boycott because it is hard to get 2 niggas to agree to disagree let alone millions to commit to a purpose; instead, I want public executions of all the execuniggas for purposely stunting to intellectual growth of an entire culture. from Bobby 'I named my nba team after myself because at BET all we had were worse ideas' Johnson, to the accountants. The station be immediatly liquidated with all profits going to various charitys and non-profit organizations. Yup, that would be nice.

back after awhile

its been over half a year since i've been on hear, and perhaps i'm behind the times now since twitter is so hot at the moment. i would tweet but my life is far too boring and i would have less followers than the cult leader who drinks the cool-aid first. don't really have much to say, 09 has been better to me than 08 was i suppose, still dealing with some of the same shit that i have been for months though. i personally think i handle it like a fuckin champ though lol. been drinkin a lil too much, and i became an active person out of the blue, but i guess its acceptable since in the big duece one now. um, transferring to ucr this fall, how exciting right? if only the part of my brain that controls excitement worked lol. in about 2 years i'll be ready for the workforce, a scary thought (not for me but for the general public). still single, although for the first time in awhile there are actually women that can genuinely hold my interest so that looks promising. and i guess i'll end this here, and make a pledge to myself and my 2 readers to post more often and go off on rants like i promised. lol. via con dios!

Ello from an asshole

First off, fuck you very much for being able to read, that is a real accomplishment in today's America and don't let anyone tell you different, and secondly I appreciate the fact that you've taken time to read some of my shit. I'm gonna make this first post my mission statement; you know, like what I plan to accomplish and wat not. I hope to be truthful, honest, give my opinion, and hopefully I can offend some people while I'm at it.

Now that that bit of formality is out of the way, I have something very important to say, "I hate fake titties!" Oh, sure they look nice, but the consistency is all wrong. Some of them are hard, some are deformed, and none of them have that giggly bouncing motion, you know the one where your hitting it just right and the start to vibrate upon every thrust, but I digress. I'm personally boycotting implants, so ladies and gentleman, and all the retards that actually read this shit(not you your cool), we must stand as one and say "No more fake tits, even if you are a ditz!" So go grab a picket sign, a couple of friends and we'll march on the silcom mecca (Hollywood) and start ripping implants out with our bare hands. Oh, is that going too far, my bad. But you get the point.